4 words: hood of his car
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
