Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
