Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
