she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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