so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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