It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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