Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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