but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
