I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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