we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
