last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
