I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
