i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
