but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
