you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
