So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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