watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
