You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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