just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
