I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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