You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
