So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
