If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
