dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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