Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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