I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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