I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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