I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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