i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
