Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
