JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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