He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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