dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and she was petting her beer can
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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