im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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