So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
