Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
