We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Someone shit on the floor
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
