don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
