Moan for me like Helen Keller
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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