I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
