oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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