Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize