i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
