She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
