I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize