yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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