god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
