I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
