just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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