He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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