Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
