im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
