So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
