This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Randomize
