Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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