last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
