piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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