You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
