I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
