I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
