As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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