"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
