Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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